Lets Pretend I Blogged Throughout the Year

"You seem like the kind of person who writes New Year Resolutions"

Seri's so right. 

" should I be offended?"

" nee ishtam"

New Year's is a beautiful concept. I couldn't hate it more when I hear people say " it's just another day, what's the big deal? ". This is the friend that says they don't care about their birthday. How? Nihilism doesn't make you cool. Nothing has inherent meaning does it? We make our lives special by attaching meaning and caring about things. 

Anyways, back to New Year's. It's a concept built around hope. Hope that a New Year will bring new things, better things. That somehow magically our lives will improve overnight and our shitty boss will get less shitty, our crappy love life will be saved by a knight in shining armour that our academic comeback will get streamlined. I don't think that's realistic. But New Year's does something more important. It renews faith in life, faith in the good things, faith in the joy. It may be based on little to no Evidence. However crappy yesterday was, tomorrow will be better. 

Hope is the only thing keeping us alive. It's how a child trapped in a cave for 10 days can somehow survive without food or water. Tomorrow could be my day.

But hope must come without attachment. It cannot be a limited stock that runs out after so much time. Happiness only exists as an opposite to sorrow. Sorrow is necessary to enjoy it's absence. But no sorrow is so great that it won't be followed by a better day. And that's the hope I have for New Years. Hope that I have the strength to push through the sorrows and be present for the joys.

2024 has been a year beyond my wildest dreams. 10 years packed into 1 is what me and my sister keep saying. I had dreams come true, dreams broken, people loved, people lost, really really scary days and really really beautiful ones. For lack of enthusiasm for I'm on a family vacation I shall do a brief catchup of my 2024. While I don't think I could accurately capture the emotional roller-coaster that was this year, I'll attempt to.

Last New Year's was a fun night at Naresh Uncle's house - saw my dad dance for the first time. January was also marked by running around for farewell- yearbook, music, awards, etc. I definitely learnt that sometimes things are just not worth stressing over. I made friends that ended up becoming core parts of my life.

February was when I asked the question "who am I when I have nothing to do?". It eas always easy to make myself too busy to sit with myself. Dealing with the discomfort of silence taught me a lot about what I valued. Exams also we wrote but let's not talk about that. 

March was also full of examinations. I also went to ICON, where my ego suffered it's first blow in a while. DJ night was fun tho. 

In April, we worked on the next event - Freshers. I definitely got a lot more sure of myself and became able to speak and act with conviction. 

May was beautiful. Dare I say the best month of the year? A family trip to Goa- set with summer dresses, drinks and the beach. And once I was back, I landed myself at an internship. Not only did I get a taste of professional life, I ended up with 7 FLAME 3rd years as tight friends. ( how to sneak in a saranya cameo) Lake trips, photography, goofing off in the office, music, pidta house chicken salad and sm more.

June was just more of the interns. 

In July I applied to be Head Girl. " Lets see" was the attitude, but I think I've seen too much. Investiture and the Secretariat work kicked off. It was a lot of adjusting to new roles. Every day was a new day and it did take a lot out of me

August was YUGEN. YUGEN. YUGEN. I was dreaming about it, stressing about it, losing my mind over it. But it ended up being a body fo work I'm really proud of myself for. And I made friendships I wouldn't trade for the world. I also made EBd for the first time. Lot of new experiences for sure.

September was recovery and my first academic downfall in a while. I also entered a new, very special relationship.

October started with one of my favourite birthdays so far, starting with a morning walk and ending with family dinner. More EBing, attended a concert, and sports day prep.

November was just.. a lot of learning and unlearning. I felt a lot of loss this month. How much ever you think you've seen the worst of things loving things, ideas and people means risking losing them. But I also learnt that time heals wounds sometimes, and sometimes you just have to back yourself and stick things out. 

And December. I was very excited for Christmamamass and I got to reunite with my favourite Saranya. In December I let go of things. Letting go of fears and expectations seems to fix a lot.

All in all, I certainly wouldn't call this year a breeze. While the IMD report might have predicted light rains, there were thunderstorms and rainbows all over. Don't trust predictions.

I'm also incredibly grateful for the people I've met this year and for the people that taught me so much. Thank you to everyone for the unconditional love and the support.

This year my resolution is to be more present. I can think of so many moments this year where I was too busy worrying about the past or the future to look and listen to the people around me. I owe better to both myself and to other people.

Oh, and also study a little. Maybe. Chuddam.