Anecdotes and Realizations

DEEWAR  October 11th was Amitabh Bacchan's 80th birthday. Amitabh Bacchan bhi na, what a man! That's the life I want to live. He became an actor, he become the most popular one of his time and times after him. Apart from Amitabh Bacchan, how many 70s actors can a teenager name? He's stayed relevant through his consistent work and devotion to art. From hero to father to now grandfather, he's done it all. And as I learnt from my Hindi teacher, he has a way with words. PVR decided to do a Amitabh Bacchan rewatch festival, and we hurriedly booked 'Deewar'. The theatre was packed and we got seats right in the front rows. The crowd was mostly middle-aged, but as soon as the credits began rolling, you could sense them getting younger.  The film was undoubtedly entertaining, with Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bacchan representing the dark and the light. Amitabh Bacchan's wide range of emotions was almost as wide as his bellbottom pant leg. It was mesmerising to see a bu...

trigger warnings - anxiety, feeling like an impostor  It's been a while. The familiar click-clacking of the keyboard in whose pieces I have certainly spilt milk, oil and assorted liquids into is comforting. The reason for this long silence, dry spell or writer's block as it is called is unknown. Have you ever trained yourself to behave a certain way, where it felt like you were plotting a deceptive ruse? Well, I can't differentiate between the ruse and how I was before.  Am I what I think I should be? Am I some being that exists beyond superficial social mannerisms? I've lived in the cowardice of not being able to argue, or defend my cause, or say no to people for so long, that I can't control it anymore.  The past few months have been perhaps the worst of my life so far. I had an anxiety attack once and then once again. My closest friends felt like illusions. Fingers were pointed at me. And how much ever I tried to convince myself that what I was truly upset about ...