The People that Matter

 The boards have ended and the holidays have begun! Atleast for the moment. I had dreamed of the 21st of March for ages, imagining what freedom from the boards would look like, and to say the very least, it was anti-climactic. 

I was like a chicken without a head, purposeless and unaware of my surroundings ( however, I was not decapitated so my simile ends here). This year has been quite a journey for me. I started off feeling very good about myself and with a positivity like no other, due to various factors, I had reached a scary, anxious position of mental health. I hoped that an epiphany would come but they didn't. I wondered why I wasn't feeling as happy as I knew I should be feeling. The boards ended!

I also rejoined Instagram. Instagram, the last time around, was a hot mess for me. I always felt like I had to fit into some box and be a certain person. But, Instagram is merely a tool. A tool to make me feel better or worse is up to me. I used to hesitate from sharing my blogs or songs on the platform. This time around, I want to do better for myself.






I have had anxiety for almost a year now. To explain what anxiety means to me, its like a constant breath that you can't release. When I have a lot of anxiety, I feel breathless, nauseous, scared and powerless. I get anxious when I'm scared I won't be loved or when I can't please everybody. I'm working on that too. 

I have been very erratic with replying to the people who love me. Aunts, cousins, uncles, grandaunts, friends, etc. who really do care have received very late responses. And it is your family that ground you. That makes sure you're okay, that cares for you when you're sick, who messages you when you haven't spoken in a while. 

 The time I could have spent getting to know them better, I spent worrying about all the people I'm worried won't like me. I spent so much energy on all the things that went wrong or could go wrong, that I forgot about the people that never left. 

So, moral of the story, call up your grandparent, go meet that cousin, check on your friend. They're the people that matter. 





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